Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
