Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
