so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
