youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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