nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
