I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
