They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
