if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
