The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize