So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
