my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
