is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
