Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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