the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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