I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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