i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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