you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
