The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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