is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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