hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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