I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
