I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
