I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
