Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
