He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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