He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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