So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
