put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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