also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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