it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
