i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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