Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
