I want to make a zoo with you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
