Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
