Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He better not be in your backpack
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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