Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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