The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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