And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
