just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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