Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
