Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you win again, gameday.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
