he shaved USA in his pubs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
