I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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