You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
