I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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