I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
