I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
