Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
