hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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