is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
