We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
