sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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