i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
