Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
