Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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